Why it's difficult for women to say no?

 

Women empowerment is a term widely used these days in all sectors. Extra steps are taken to add diversity at workplaces and  encourage gender equality. Despite all these efforts going on, I still feel there is a fundamental problem that lies within the root. Do women feel free in their own surrounding? Can they express their true opinion or thoughts without being judged? Every woman must ask this question to their inner self and listen to the answer that comes from within. Do you feel free? If yes, then you can skip reading this post. Let's trace back in time to understand this concept a little in depth.

Historically the idea of a happy home is being tied to women's shoulders. A woman’s first responsibility is to her family, caring for them and making the home a happy place. It's very difficult to change this law of society as it's believed to be a task bestowed upon women by nature itself. By nature, women are caring and emotional. It's not restricted just to humans, but you will see this in other species too, where the female cares more for the younger generation.  Then where things go wrong? Things go wrong when society takes advantage of this nature's law. When we have rules that restrict women to break these rules.

Think about couple of generations back. Our grandmothers had very little presence in decision making. I am not sure about other countries, but it's very common in India. I have rarely seen my grandmother saying "No". She accommodated all random requests coming from everyone. Be it preparing food, taking care of the pets, cleaning the house, she used to work tirelessly day and night just to keep everyone happy.  In return she never got a simple thank you also. Because everyone thought it's her sole duty as a woman to take care of the family. Next came the generation of my mother. There were visible changes in women's life. They could live in monolithic family. Women started participating in the family discussion and had their say a bit. Men's also started helping in the household work. But the problem of being open to say "No" still existed. Women were questioned all the time from their parents, in-laws, and husband. Even if women started doing jobs and contributed to the home finances, it's always considered as an extra thing. The major responsibility of running the household still relied on them and any deviation from that raised a question on their capability.

Fast forward and you have modern and independent women of our generation. Achieving highest level of success in every domain. Women have become the breadwinner of the family, balancing the life between home and work. But can women have it all? Does the balancing really work? This is the question to think about. Do they have the freedom to say no when it becomes difficult to manage? Are they allowed to speak the truth and give their authentic opinion about something without being judged? There is no black and white answer to this. Today's women have access to a variety of tools and help. They are getting support from their partners too in running the family. But no one can deny the fact that, when it comes to primary owner of the household, it’s the women or the mothers. When you see an untidy house, or an ill-mannered kid, who is society going to judge? It's always the women. Even if a woman is working on a prestigious job with high figure salary, it’s always considered as her second job or an addition to the family income. When things become tough, women are asked to leave the job and give more time to home. Same is observed at workplaces too. When you give genuine reasons for your denial of a request they are often considered as an excuse. When a woman says no to an extra work, there is always a male counterpart available to pick up that work and finish it off. With this fear in mind, women are hesitant to reject a request. As women believe in multitasking all the time based on their nature, they tend to accommodate all the requests and try to balance all the time. 

Most of us don't say no because we don't know how to say it. We have that constant fear of rejection inside us. Will we be considered selfish if we say no? We as women are raised to be soft and accepting. Our very own nature might make it hard for us to say no. But when we truly believe something is not achievable, beyond our comfort zone or simply does not feel right we should at least try to say no.  Saying "no" to unrelated or unsatisfying things gives an opportunity to put our energy into something more meaningful. Saying "no" and setting clear boundaries gives us self confidence that we can make right decisions for ourselves. Committing to things that we can certainly achieve at the end of the day gives us that internal satisfaction. 

A woman is empowered when she takes control of her life. If others want to help empower women, they will support a woman’s ability to remain in control of her life and her decisions. If women want to empower themselves, they must be confident in themselves and stand by their own decisions. They must stand firm for what they believe. They must claim their rights. It all starts from their very own home and the inner self.