The equation of giving and receiving
Now the question here is how balance should be this equation?
Or does it need to be balanced at all? Let’s try to analyze and hopefully we will
find the answer together.
Psychologist Adam
Grant divides the working world into three groups of people: Givers, Takers, and Matchers. Givers are people who strongly
believe in generosity. They always look forward to help others and derive their
happiness from the joy of giving. On the other hand, takers are just the
opposite. They look for every opportunity that will benefit them in some way.
And finally, matchers are those who tries to establish an equilibrium between these
two categories. At a first glance you might get biased towards one of the groups.
But each of them has its own pros and cons.
First try to find out which group you belong to as a person.
This can be achieved by imagining a simple situation. Let’s say you meet a stranger
asking for your help. Now as a stranger I did not mean a random person asking
for a lift in the middle of night. Rather
in your comfortable surrounding in your workplace or community, someone seeks
your help. At a first thought what would be your reaction. Will you help
him/her without expecting a return favor? Will you help with an intention of
using their help in future? Will you
just politely reject the request because the other person is of no value to
you. Considering what you answer you have selected your group. The first being
the giver, then the matcher and finally the taker. Now let’s analyze these
groups individually.
“Givers”
Undoubtedly,
being a giver in a relationship, you are always praised for your contribution.
People like to be around you because of your caring nature. There is a saying “A taker may eat better but
a giver sleeps better”. This holds true
only when you give with a full heart and don’t go overboard with it. Otherwise, you would feel burned out and
exhausted soon. Women often complains about the fact that, they give too much
in relationships and yet be the unhappy one. The reason being, they try to
shift the balance from a giver to an over-giver. Trying their best to satisfy
all the needs with the very hope of getting appreciated in return. To avoid this,
identify the limit of giving. Give only if you are in capacity to give. Also be open to receive when you are being
given. Sometimes it’s ok to accept a compliment as is with a simple thank you
note instead of feeling the urge to give a compliment in reverse. You do not
have to balance one-on-one all the time. Givers are the person who become
either the most or the least successful depending on how they balance the
equation.
“Takers”
You must be thinking its easy to spot the takers around you.
But it’s very tough to do. They are very smart to navigate their way without
even getting noticed as the takers. They know how exactly to manipulate the
givers and matchers around them and get their work done. They believe in the
survival theory and try their best to survive any situation. Due to this very
nature, they are often successful and happy in the short-term. They keep
account of every help they do to others but think it’s their right to take uncountable
help. They often do not stress about their surrounding much unless it directly
impacts them. The takers can’t survive alone without a giver. So, it’s the job
of the giver to try change the equation. The giver needs to switch side
sometime and be at the receiving end. This will enforce the taker to start
giving.
“Matchers”
This is the most common category of people you will find. They
try to balance between the other two groups. They are the one who keeps a tab
on what they did and expect the very same from others. Their main principle is
tit-for-tat. They take turns between being a giver and a taker. Some people
have this instinct of being a matcher and some try to learn this technique.
As we got a fair idea about the different groups, who is the
happiest of them all?
Starting with takers, since they give the priority to themselves,
they do well in short term. But as people around them start to recognize their
trait, they fall short of givers.
Coming to matchers, we might think since they balance so
well, they must be the happier ones. But at the base level, relationships do
not survive on one-on-one approach. Sometimes you must go above and beyond your
capacity to make things work.
Lastly it comes to givers. Givers are generous by nature and
we all know generosity brings happiness. But as we already discussed they are
the one’s who are often being taken advantage of. If they can’t navigate their
way properly, they end up being the disappointed ones.
So, what’s the best equation here?
There is a scientific law that “The total amount
of energy and matter in the Universe remains constant,
merely changing from one form to another”. So as a giver what you should
do is to trust on this law. If you have given something, you are bound to receive
it back. It might not be in the same form or from the same person you are
expecting. But the energy is going to come back to you. So be a wonderful giver with a full heart. You
don’t need to balance the equation as mother nature will balance it for you.
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